Those of you who have read my posts for a while now know that I work hard at being 'mindful' & 'conscious'. In my work, and family life, it's helped me to deal effectively with different situations and everyone's unique personalities.
Sandra Prada X Martin, from Self-Balanced Solutions, is the parenting coach whose helped me identify key tactics in dealing my boy's personalities and how we can all work together to get through the tough spots. I brought Sandra to you in the Stop Battling & Start Connecting online program. Sandra shows us how we can shape our family through 'Conscious Discipline'. Conscious Discipline? Yes! But this is not discipline in the traditional sense.
Ask yourself: What do I want to fix? What behavior is not acceptable, or getting in the way of your child's or your family's growth? For me, the habits of whining for electronics (ugh) or a nonchalant attitude towards books and papers.
I used to speak to them with low 'levels' of communication such as: "What are you complaining about?" or "What a disaster of a backpack! Can you get it together?" This poor communication gave me poor results.
Sound familiar at all? We get so stuck in the moment and low level of energy it's hard to pull through which only keeps us stuck, and the behavior continues. The triggers, without mindfulness, cause a blowup and more threats and more low-level results. Is this what my kids expect from me? Will they just expect that this is how it goes?
No, we can change that. Sandra says: "Shift the energy first and problem solve later"
Here is a new higher-level technique: Tell them you need a moment to cool out and walk into a different room. When you're ready to talk, don't give them advice on how to fix the problem. Don't tell them to stop their behavior or threaten them. Help them find a way that is realistic for them to problem solve to fix their own behavior. If they come up with the idea they will be more connected to act on it. This is how I now aim to teach my boys commitment to change and we brainstorm together on how to implement those ideas.
Then I step back and let them do it. Mindfulness means that I breathe and wait. Wait.
Don't swoop in to point out that it's not happening. Wait for them to be accountable.
This also relates to how to treat our other relationships!
Our spouses, work colleagues, or friends. We build our relationship up with our children while also using techniques that will make other aspects of our lives more successful too!
What if it doesn't get done?
See how Sandra teaches us to follow up if something doesn't get done and to make our kids accountable - lessons they need to succeed in life without shame! It's invaluable, and it's part of the Stop Battling & Start Connecting online program - designed with issues facing busy moms who want to master this! With guest contributors Leanne Jacobs& Randi Zinn! Check out the course here and get instant access to some free content!